Friendship is Dating Without Benefits

Building a friendship is a lot like dating. If I had a penny for every time I’ve said this, I’d be pretty well off. I’ve learned the hard way that true friendships do not come easy. It’s a lot of hard work – and you don’t even get the intimacy, so some may say it’s not even worth it.

When I moved to Delaware, I never thought that it would be this difficult to make new friends. I had plenty of friends in New York, but Delaware is like a friendship desert. Where are all those ladies I saw myself having brunch with every Saturday like they did in Sex and the City? Isn’t that what adult friendships look like?

I love my boyfriend, but he’s not the only person I want to spend my time with and just doesn’t feed into the secret sharing I long to do with my girls over happy hour.

High school and college gives you false expectations of friendship building. Gone are the days of saying “hey, what class are you in?” equaling out to a new best bud. Making new friends as an adult is hard work! It truly is like dating.

Hear me out:
When you meet someone that you’re interested in becoming friends with (or in other words, crushing on), you spark up a conversation to let them know you’re interested (also known as flirting). Later on, one of you will follow-up with the other to tell them how great it was meeting them and that you should hang out again (this is scheduling a date). At this date, I mean, outing, you feel each other out and see if you’d like to hang out again (the second date). And this cycle continues until you turn into BFF’s, or as I like to call it, marriage.
Its exhausting! Not to mention time consuming. And although I snagged my boyfriend, I’m starting to think I’m not that great at dating. I think its safe to say that I can definitely relate to all the single girls out there searching the market for Mr. Right… I’m looking for Mrs. and all the good ones are already taken.

It takes a lot of effort from both parties to form a friendship. You have to find someone with similar interests who is just as interested in becoming friends with you, as you are with becoming friends with them. If a girl’s already found her BFF, she probably doesn’t have time for a new one.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of acquaintances in Delaware. I would even go as far as to say “my friend, [insert name here]…” in conversation, but true friends in Delaware, I have not. I’ve joined young professionals groups, I volunteer, I talk to randoms at events, but nothing! I’ll see budding friendships starting to form but they never seem to come to full bloom. 

And the worst part of it all? It was brought to my attention that on this search for new friendships, I’m neglecting the friends I already have. Although I may have none in Delaware, I do have friends both far and wide throughout this country – from New York, to Oregon and all in between, but I haven’t done my best to keep those friendships growing. I’ve been so busy on a quest for Mrs. Delaware that I haven’t taken the best care of Mrs. Wyoming. Most of my friends are understanding and stand by me regardless, but that news still hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I’ve decided, that instead of searching for someone new, I should focus on who I already have. And instead of searching for Mrs. Right, I’m going to be Mrs. Right. Like Micheal Jackson said, “I’m starting with the (wo)man in the mirror“. I’m going to “be the change I want to see in the world”. If I’m looking for certain qualities in a friend, I need to display those qualities times ten. I’m going to love all of my friends so hard that hugs, hearts, and kisses will swirl around them like a cartoon character on Valentines Day… okay, maybe I’m going to far, but you get the picture.

Making new friends is really exhausting and although I’d love to meet Mrs. Delaware, I’m perfectly happy with Mrs. New York. I don’t have the energy to speed date for my Delaware BFF, but loving on the friends I already have is something I can handle and maybe in due time, those little Delaware friendship buds will blossom into something beautiful.

Love you guys!


Talk to me…
What are your thoughts on comparing friendships to dating? 
How do you make new friends? 
Let a lonely girl know 😉


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  1. I love this because you're right on point. I would've never thought of a comparison btwn friendships and dating but they really are similar. Its so time consuming. Im that person you mentioned that has her BFF and doesnt have time to find more. That and I just dont have the energy for that hahaha About how I make new friends, I don't. LOL Love you Wife! ❤


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